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Poetry by 91816119

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Submitted on
January 2, 2013
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335
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You were
drinking
from the rust-rim
galaxy
in quick sips and swallowed stars,
like those remembered
at the bottom of the glass.

I slept
drunk
from the orogeny
of your subduction,
dreaming
of your skin sliding to a fit
against mine
and the tremors we could make.
I do so very much love language. Every once in a while it just seems to fit perfectly together.

I think I'll take a look at this again in the morning to see if I can revise and make it stronger.

It's late and I'm not sure how well I accomplished the effect I wanted in the second stanza, and the meaning of the first might be a bit too hidden.
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:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well now, a DLD for your fine efforts. :)
Congratulations! :sun:
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
Thank you! My first DLD :)
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013   General Artist
Very well deserved, too! :heart:
Congratulations, sugar! :squee:
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
Thank you, dear. You are far too kind :heart:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013   General Artist
Only because, again, you are most deserving. (:
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013   Writer
Congratulations on the DLD feature! I hope you leave this pretty much as it is.
I like it, especially the second strophe. Thank you. :+fav:
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
Thank you so much! It's my first DLD and I'm quite proud. I am fairly sure I will leave everything just as it is, it seems my initial concerns were unfounded given the reception I've gotten with this one.
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013   Writer
:iconyourewelcomesignplz:...and you should be very proud.
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Professional Writer
So beautiful and resonant.
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
Thank you! And for the :+fav: as well. :)
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013   General Artist
You manage to say so much with so few words. Hats off to you, dear friend. :clap:
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
Thank you :heart:

Economy of language is something I always strive for, and I think in this rare case it worked out pretty well.
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   General Artist
It most certainly did. :heart:
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:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I really like this bit:
"You were
drinking
from the rust-rim
galaxy
in quick sips and swallowed stars"

This is very beautiful!
Reply
:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
I wanted it to sound like she was drinking from a glass of vague memory.

I am quite humbled that you like it.
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:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Vague memory, that's haunting.

You're welcome!
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:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
dreaming
of your skin sliding to a fit
against mine
and the tremors we could make.


Yes yes yes. :heart: I love that image.
Reply
:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
Thank you! I was pretty happy with how this one came out.
Reply
:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Writer
Interesting, to say the least. Brilliant to say a mild comment.

Honestly, the geology term used with 'seduction' gave me chills. Your first stanza flourished with a grand depiction of the human experience - thank you.
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
I wanted it to mean something in terms of the actual scientific terms as well as make sense as a drunk slur of something else.

Thank you for reading and for commenting!
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:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Writer
You did this very, very well!

No, thank you for sharing. :clap:
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:icontoxic-nebulae:
toxic-nebulae Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Student Writer
stellar and erotic
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
Thank you! :)
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:iconwanderingerato:
WanderingErato Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The second stanza is fantastic. Your play with geology terms (my favourite science) is so effective.

from the orogeny
of your subduction


This piece is stunning. The images it creates are wonderful.
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
I couldn't believe how well those two words worked in context of the geological meaning plus the duality of the word sounds.

I'll have to remember how much you like geology, for future reference.
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:iconwanderingerato:
WanderingErato Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think it's the timespan of most geological processes that gets me. It's just something I can't wrap my head around, and I love that.
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
I feel the same way about astronomy, I think. Something about the immensity of it and how we can't even imagine truly observing it in full. We can only ever see one small snapshot of one second of the lifespan of the processes that take place.
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